Life, the universe and everything.

D O N' T P A N I C

Thursday, February 15, 2007

A Mumbai-ite in Delhi

You know you are in Delhi when:
  • You are standing at the inner circle in CP and asking the shopowners and hawkers for directions to inner circle and none of them seem to know it.
  • You walk out of airport terminal and experience something as painfully hearbreaking as hundreds of hammers crashing onto a new car bonet (later you will realize that its not their fault, its their language!)
  • The dude sitting next to you in a swanky multiplex in a posh area surprises you with a shout (louder than the opening shot of earth-shattering bomb blast at Mumbai’s Dalal Street): “ke karrraaa hai? Pikture shuru ho gayee hai be! Khana chor ke aaja”. If only you could get the guy who invented mobile phones!
  • Newspapers only talk about how difficult it is to get the admissions for the male children.
    Your colleague complain about how bad the roads are. It took him 40 minutes to cover a distance of 26 km
  • When your friend is desparately trying to install an AC (to face the summers) in her old Maruti 800 (which produces a princely 36 bhp). The mechanic is embarresed and chooses to keep the shop closed.
  • When at a party you bump into your old friends who live in three different states…and no, they aren’t there on a visit to Delhi.

You know you are in Mumbai when:

  • You ask for directions to Juhu Chowpati, everyone suggests “its around that corner” (baaju mein hai) but that blasted beach seems to be slipping away at each turn.
  • Your colleague is elated today because it took him only 1 hr. 40 min. to cover a distance of 26 km
  • When just before the monsoons, the municipality seems to acknowledge the plight of its citizens and digs the road, to repair them...after the monsoons
  • Your newspaper still covers the inane statements made by a certain Mr. Thackrey who seems to have lost his relevance and mind, among other things.
  • After every calamity/disaster, all the newpapers and new channels are suddenly talking about something elusive yet omnipresent: Spirit of Mumbai. And you feel nauseating at every mention of this thing.
  • A restaurant named as ordinarily as Mahesh Lunch Home turns out to be as expensive as a four star eatery, if not more.
  • All mankind is headed southward in the morning and northbound in the evening

Monday, February 05, 2007

Morning blues

Scene:
Morning 6:30 am
I am sleepily ironing the shirt and trousers. The steam iron is pretty hot but on today's cotton clothes, creases don't go away so easily, so the iron is on the hottest setting.
Cellphone rings.
Tring tring tring
I answer the call.
Hello!
Aaaaaah...Shit. %$#@%^&
The cellphone is surprisingly hot and spewing steam.
Tring tring tring

Cursing, I pull the iron away from my erstwhile cheek and ears. I run to the mirror. How bad can it be?
Its not too bad. A smart red gash across the cheek. Adds to my masculine personality.

Day begins.