The nadir of filmmaking

These are the movies you can watch again and again and never cease to marvel at the timelessness of the absurdity:

1. Clerk: Manoj ‘Bharat’ Kumar had his heart at right place but maybe the camera wasn’t. So you are treated with shots taken from impossible angles though my guess is that cameraman was trying to follow Mr. Kumar’s eyes (he has never looked into the camera). It’s about a clerk Bharat (Mr. Kumar with an ever increasing girth), a poverty stricken former student leader who finds himself in a position he has to save the country from the clutches from some corrupt defense officials. Drenched to the core in a self pitying attitude, this movie has attained eternal glory due to its stupendous ineptitude. This is filmmaking at an extraordinary nadir.
2. Wardaat: You are a secret service agent a la James Bond. Your code name is Gunmaster G9. How to keep this a secret? Simple. Paint your car in large, bold friendly letters “Gunmaster G9”. Obviously the dark sides would simply assume this to be a stupid act of a stupid kid. But unfortunately, the dark sides are also equally stupid. Watch how Gunmaster G9 saves the world from the grave danger of locusts’ attack. And watch it to believe me when I say a secret agent actually shoots at the locust because he needs to collect a sample. A case study in how not to make a thriller. Eminently entertaining, this movie needs to be watched for its lack of attention to details.
3. Mard: Aha. Who could have imagined gems like “Mard ko dard nahin hota”! And it had three heroes. Big B, the horse and Amrita Singh. Populated with really bizarre situations and coincidences, it really works more as a fantasy rather than the intended separation-reunion Desai trademark movie. Not much to say really, except that this movie is probably the most absurd Manmohan Desai creation. If I had not seen the credits myself, I would never believe it was directed by him (I still think it’s a conspiracy by the dark forces).